Wildefire's German Cover. Ja!

My wonderful German publisher, Piper Fantasy, has posted the cover to their edition of WILDEFIRE.

It's like having a red sports car to park next to my purple one in my book-cover garage. In other words, I love it.

In case your German fluency is a tad rusty like mine, the subtitle Göttin des Vulkans translates to Volcano Goddess.

Fun fact: my editorial director at Piper is named Carsten.

If they sold this and the American edition in a two-pack, they could call it the Wildefire Bouquet.

What color should the next flower be? I'm thinking one of the three shades of manly PINK: Man-genta, Sal-man, and Brose.

Look for WILDEFIRE: Göttin des Vulkans on September 29, 2011.

The Hunger Games: Adorable Edition

Leprechauns, ninja snapping turtles, and the Hunger Games: Adorable Edition.

Past my prime, but I ain't no Hack(y sack)

Ask yourself: is this just a video of me playing hacky sack to AC/DC? Or is this the moving story of an athlete making an epic comeback to the sport he once loved, long after his prime?

Yep, it's just the first.

When I was a senior in high school, I literally played so much that I wrote my college admissions essay on hacky sack. I'll have to dig that up for a future blog post...



As if you needed further proof that I never vlog about writing.

Woodpeckers, Mullets, and Woodpeckers with Mullets

I forgot to post last week's vlog on here, because apparently revising sequels hurts my brain. This week I discuss my to-be read list (or rather 1% of it), along with mullets, woodpeckers, and my weird dystopian dreams.



Featured books: WHERE THINGS COME BACK by John Corey Whaley, A TOUCH MORTAL by Leah Clifford, ANGELFIRE by Courtney Allison Moulton, CRYER'S CROSS by Lisa McMann, HUSH, HUSH by Becca Fitzpatrick, and THE LIAR SOCIETY by Lisa & Laura Roecker.

After this vlog, I can no longer be surprised if someone finds this website by searching "sexy woodpecker with a mullet." It will happen.

Root Beer Nudists and Beekeepers

Because GoogleAnalytics tells me all the weird things that people search for that lead them to this blog, I've decided to start responding to the real gems on here.





Booze. By the time they open the time capsule in 15 years they'll be old enough. And thirsty.





All my pictures on here are of people sipping ginger ale in their underwear :( Sorry.





Only if he's drinking root beer in the nude while he's beekeeping.





When 3 trees love each other very much and decide to crosspollinate...





Poison your bird-feeder or invest in a shotgun.





First, stop calling them "common." Every bird is a rare rose. Secondly, lower your voice. This isn't a rock concert.





Those aren't "night birds," friend. They're bats.





A sloth walks into a bar. Three years later, he gets to the counter and orders a beer.





One sloth asks another sloth, "How do you do so well with the ladies?" The second sloth replies, "Probably because I'm well hung."





I have 120,000 dollars in student loans. Please pre-order it instead.





Seasons 1, 2, and 3 of the Jersey Shore on DVD, a copy of WILDEFIRE, and 6 pieces of confetti for the opener to throw on themselves.





Have Robin spell check it for you. Or throw a Batarang at it.





What it sounds like when you say my name then scratch a turntable.





I will have the baby with you if you stop calling me Jane.





Meow.





NOT puberty.










Little changes in your search keywords.





26 in two weeks.





I am frequently happy, yes.





Wait, were you googling this because you thought there would be a website that provided an answer? "Is Karsten Knight actually cute? Or is he just faking it? Let's debate." I'm a YA author, not Justin Bieber.





Hey now.





Much better.





I don't even know how to respond to this one. If you read it quickly, it sounds like "You're caressing the goats."





Yes tapioca pudding. Think pudding! I mean--think positive.





2012 isn't for another 9 months, but at least John Cusack will be there to dance with you. With any luck, he'll be dressed as a:

Yes, No, Maybe So

So today I had to fill out a comprehensive questionnaire for my new dentist, which included this question: “Do you use alcohol, cocaine, or other drugs?” Yes___ No___

Now, as someone who enjoys the occasional glass of wine or pint at the pub, I found it hilarious and intriguing that alcohol and crack were lumped into the same “Yes/No” question, to the point where I underlined “alcohol” and wrote a very emphatic “NOT” next to the coke. Unless we’re talking about the soda.

This is the problem with questions involving the word “or.” In the lyrical genius of Schoolhouse Rock, "Conjunction Junction, what's your functionnnnnnn."

So it got me to thinking: what other awkward yes/no question pairings could I make people answer? I’ve provided a quiz for you all to fill out below. YOU MUST ANSWER TRUTHFULLY. Please use a #2 pencil, and make sure to fill in the bubbles completely or your answers will NOT be counted. If you answer yes to more than half of these questions... you're probably normal and just got sch00led by a conjunction.

DENTAL QUESTIONNAIRE

Do you own more than one item clothing made out of denim, cotton, or meat? Yes___ No___

Have you ever returned a DVD late to Blockbuster or held up a convenience store? Yes___ No___

Have you ever paid your taxes or been convicted of felony tax evasion? Yes___ No___

Have you ever cut in line to stand with your friends, or stabbed someone and taken their place in line? Yes ___ No ___

Do you ever go to the aquarium, or find yourself inappropriately attracted to fish? Yes___ No___

Have you ever constructed a pillow fort, sand castle, Stone Henge, or one of the Pyramids of Giza? Yes___ No___

Have you ever gone night-clubbing or gone baby-seal-clubbing? Yes___ No___

Do you own a car and/or time-traveling Delorean? Yes___ No___

Have you ever held a garage sale, yard sale, or sold human organs on the Black Market? Yes___ No___

Did you ever play with stuffed animals as a child and/or do you have an embarrassingly comprehensive collection of Barbies from the 1970s still in the original packaging? Yes___ No___

Have you ever swum with the dolphins and/or are you Aquaman? Yes___ No___

Are you a night owl and/or are you a vampire? Yes___ No___

Do you enjoy moonlit strolls on the beach and/or are you a werewolf? Yes___ No___

Are you a vegan, vegetarian, or wood nymph? Yes___ No___

Do you have a fiery temper and/or are you a volcano goddess? Yes___ No___

Do you occasionally visit this blog and/or would you like to cast your vote for Karsten Knight as People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive? Yes___ No___

Inappropriate Sequel Titles & Disney Alter Egos

The second in a weekly “7 Useless Facts about Karsten” column. The rotating final question will always be answered by a guest author.

First thought upon waking up this morning:
[Sniffs pillow case] I need to start using a laundry detergent with a manlier scent.

Best gchat conversation this month:
[Discussing rejected WILDEFIRE sequel titles]
Scott: WILDESHOWERS
Me: That sounds like a porno
Scott: WILDEDAZE
Me: That sounds like a drug comedy
Scott: WILDESTIR
Me: WILDEY WONKA
Scott: WILDEFEUD
Me: The game show

The five songs on repeat in my playlist right now:
“When and If” by Ari Hest
“See the World” by Gomez
“The Letter” by Harry-Gregson Williams
“Pretty Girl Rock”* by Keri Hilson
“Good Vibrations” by Marky Mark

I would sell my hypothetical firstborn right now for a:
Wintergreen Chip Frappe from my hometown ice cream parlor.

The most embarrassing thing I’ve done in the last 24 hours:
Watching the entirety of last night’s Bachelor finale with my roommates.

The most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done in my life:
My voice cracked for the first in eighth grade…in front of a crowd of 400 people. I was in mock government, reading my bill on hybrid cars to a “legislature” of other high school students in a packed auditorium. My voice cracked during the word “automobile.” I laughed with the audience, then tried again. Voice cracked again. Same word. More laughter. Nightmares forever.

If Karsten were a Disney character, he would be…
My answer:

Aladdin. Because I look good in parachute pants and I’m obsessed with my carpet.

Guest Author answer:

Hipster Alice
~Leah Clifford, Author of A TOUCH MORTAL

*Don’t judge.
**Hipster Alice courtesy of http://hipsterdomanditsdiscontents.tumblr.com/